life undecided

So lately my life is not the best it's ever been or even close. I do have some good days but lately it's been more bad. I'm not depressed really, it's more like searching for something that I can't put my finger on. I don't understand how I let my life get this out of control. I mean I stopped going to the gym, I need to study more but can't seem to bring myself to, I stay in my room reading or watching tv when I'm home, and I don't really talk to anyone but Eddy and Jesse because a lot of times I don't even want to. I don't have any friends since I moved to Mississippi but that's also my fault. I don't ever really feel like getting out and hanging with people other then my family. I also need to get back to doing my daily devotions. Those always seem to help my day go smoother when I actually do them. I have to get my life back in order. I need to push myself to do the right things. The only problem with that is writing that on here is a lot easier then actually doing it. I guess no one ever said life was going to be easy. I'll just have to see what happens and if I will do what needs to be done.
On a happier note I watched the show "10 Things I Hate About You". It's based on the movie. The movie happens to be my favorite. So I finally watched the show. It's not my favorite but the guy on there, Patrick, that's almost the exact kind of guy I want. He's got enough hair a girl can run her fingers through it but not long enough to be mistaken for a girl. He has great abs and wears black. He's also bad but under all that rebellion and bad boy attitude he's a caring guy and pays attention to more then people give him credit for. The most important characteristic though is that he rides a motorcycle. I love guys on motorcycles and with tatoos but I don't think he had any of those. The only thing he was missing was the fact that he wasn't a Christian. A lot of my friends are not Christians and some are even nicer then the Christians I know but when it comes to a boyfriend or any kind of relationship in the romantic department he would definitely have to be a Christian. Which makes the guy I want to find virtually impossible to meet or find. Another thing is even if I found this exact kind of guy, what makes me think he would even want me? I'm just an average girl. I'm not even rebellious or secretive as most in my college. I actually have a relatively boring life. Maybe though, one day God will send along the right guy that he means for me.
Do you believe in love? I do. Not happily ever after but I do believe in true love. Not that it will make life so easy and there won't ever be fights or problems but the kind of love that if me and my boyfriend do have a fight he'll lift me up and spin me around and when he puts me down bring me in real close and kiss me, no matter how mad we are at each other then. The kind that faces problems together, not shies away from them. The kind that is built on mutual respect and trust and feelings. The kind that when you wake up every morning the first face you want to see is that of your love. That's the kind of love I'm talking about. Many believe love like that doesn't exist but I think if we can dream it up then it has to be out there somewhere. I also believe if a parents love and God's love are any examples that there could be a love for a man and a woman above parent's love but below God's love. I think it's out there because though I've hardly seen any relationships like that I have seen one or two that seem like that. That's what I want. That's what I pray for and believe I can find.
My life right now is so undecided that I'm not sure where I'm headed past tomorrow but I know it will all work out alright in the end. I know how my story ends. For right now though I'm going to live in the moment and love the people who are in the moment with me. Maybe my life isn't as caotic as I feel it is right now. Who knows what will happen tomorrow? I think that's the fun, no one knows what awaits for us on the morrow. One of my favorite quotes though says "If you always do what you've always done then you'll always get what you've always gotten." I want to do different things each day and see what comes of it. I want to go with the flow and enjoy the unexpected. That's what I want. I wonder if others know what they want.